Anxiety & depression
The inner critic
The voice that gets you out of bed is the same one that takes the day apart afterward. It sounds like the truth, mostly because it has been talking since before you had words for anything else.
You might recognize
Some of this may sound familiar
- You finish something good and the commentary starts before you've stood up.
- You would never speak to a colleague the way you narrate your own mistakes.
- Praise slides off; one piece of criticism sticks for a week.
- You call it high standards, and you are also very tired.
In the work
What we actually do
Meeting the critic
In Internal Family Systems the critic is neither the enemy nor the whole of you. It's a part, doing a job it took on back when the job needed doing. We get to know it before asking it for anything, and it is worth finding out what it is afraid would happen if it eased off.
What it stands in front of
A critic this relentless is usually guarding something younger and more tender. Inner Relationship Focusing is a way to stay with both without collapsing into either. This is the point where anxiety and depression work stops being about symptoms and starts being about the arrangement underneath them.
Renegotiating the job
The aim isn't to silence it. It's to let it find out the situation has changed, and to let something else carry some of the weight. Therapy outcomes are not guaranteed, and this is slower and more interesting than learning to talk back.
“I show up as a real person, not a blank screen.”
FAQ
Questions people ask
Does 'parts' language mean something is wrong with me?
No. It describes how ordinary minds work. The piece of you that wants to leave the party and the piece that wants to stay are both you, and naming them gives you room to be in relationship with the critic instead of fused to it.
Is this the same as positive affirmations?
No. Telling a critic it's wrong usually recruits it into a longer argument. IFS goes the other direction, toward it, with curiosity. Slower route, and a completely different conversation.
I'm not sure this is a big enough problem to bring.
Most of the people I work with are creative, sensitive, and high-functioning, and often their own worst critic. It is a common reason to come, and it does not have to be a crisis to be worth 50 minutes a week.
Do I need to live in New York?
For therapy, yes. Weekly therapy takes place via telehealth. I am licensed in New York and can only offer psychotherapy services to people who reside in New York State. Coaching runs differently: twelve 50-minute video sessions plus one 6-hour intensive across three months, offered more widely, and it is not therapy or licensed mental-health treatment.
What if the critic turns dangerous?
Say so early and plainly, and we take it seriously in the room. If you are in danger right now, call or text 988 or dial 911. This site isn't a crisis service and email is not monitored for emergencies.
Start with a free consultation
A short conversation to see whether we would be a good fit for working together. Weekly therapy takes place via telehealth. I am licensed in New York and can only offer psychotherapy services to people who reside in New York State.