Attachment & relationships
Avoidant attachment
During the argument you feel almost nothing. It shows up days later in the shower, at full volume, about something that's already over.
You might recognize
Some of this may sound familiar
- You go quiet at the exact moment something matters.
- Needing someone registers as a debt you'll have to repay.
- You manage the emergency well and can't say later what you felt during it.
- Space settles you down, and then the distance gets lonely in its own way.
In the work
What we actually do
Catching the shutdown early
Numbness has a beginning, and it's usually physical before it's mental — jaw, breath, a small step back in your chest. We work on learning your version of that sequence, so you can catch it closer to where it starts rather than only from the far side. Recognition is the part we begin with.
Thawing without flooding
Going straight at what you've kept at arm's length tends to slam the door harder. So we titrate: small approaches, real pauses, attention to what registers in your body while we do it. Trauma work that outpaces your system isn't doing the thing it claims to do.
The part that leaves first
Something in you decided a long time ago that leaving early costs less than being left. In IFS terms that's a protector, and protectors don't respond well to being argued with. We get curious about what it's still guarding before anything is asked of it.
“…get underneath the thinking brain and repattern your emotional world at the source.”
FAQ
Questions people ask
Isn't this just being independent?
Self-sufficiency isn't the problem. The question is whether closing down is one option among several or the only move available to you when something gets close.
What if I don't feel much in session?
That's common, and it isn't a failure at therapy. We start with what's observable — breath, posture, the moment your voice flattens — and work from there rather than waiting for a feeling to announce itself.
Can we meet in person?
Weekly therapy takes place via telehealth. I am licensed in New York and can only offer psychotherapy services to people who reside in New York State. The one exception is ketamine-assisted therapy, which is in person at my office in Manhattan or in your home, and only alongside ongoing psychotherapy with me. The medication there is prescribed, screened and overseen by a separate independent licensed medical provider, never by me.
How long does this take?
Sessions are 50 minutes, usually weekly. How long the work runs is different for each person, and I won't give you a number I can't stand behind. Therapy outcomes are not guaranteed.
How would we start?
The first conversation is free, 15 to 20 minutes, by video or phone, with no obligation. You can email me at melanie@embodiedwithmelanie.com, and booking happens through Carepatron.
What if things get bad between sessions?
If you are in danger right now, call or text 988 or dial 911. This site isn't a crisis service and email is not monitored for emergencies.
Start with a free consultation
A short conversation to see whether we would be a good fit for working together. Weekly therapy takes place via telehealth. I am licensed in New York and can only offer psychotherapy services to people who reside in New York State.