Attachment & relationships
Anxious attachment
The message sits there unread for an hour and your whole day reorganizes around it. You can name the pattern — you've named it for years — and naming it hasn't made it any quieter.
You might recognize
Some of this may sound familiar
- You reread a message for tone, draft three replies, and send none of them.
- One delayed response can take a whole afternoon with it.
- You make the ask smaller, then resent yourself for making it smaller.
- Closeness is what you want most and the thing your body braces against.
In the work
What we actually do
The moment before you send
We slow the sequence down to where it actually happens — the drop in your chest, the heat in your face, the hand already reaching for the phone. That's the working material in somatic and experiential therapy, because that's the layer the reaction runs on. An accurate story about your childhood rarely reaches it.
Parts that chase and panic
Internal Family Systems gives us a way to meet the part of you that texts twice and the part that's mortified afterward without either one having to win. They tend to have histories, and they tend to be doing a job. When they're met rather than managed, they usually have more to say than you'd expect.
Sitting with steady contact
Steady, uneventful closeness can be harder to tolerate than distance, because nothing is happening and your system keeps scanning anyway. We stay with that in small doses and track what your body does with it. Slower here isn't caution for its own sake. It's the pace at which any of this tends to register.
“Real change lives in the emotional and unconscious mind, in the attachment systems and the body.”
FAQ
Questions people ask
Is anxious attachment a diagnosis?
No. It's a way of describing how you learned to hold onto connection when connection wasn't reliable, and it isn't a mental health diagnosis. I work with what's in front of us rather than a label.
Do you work with couples?
No. All therapy with me is individual. Relationship patterns still show up in individual work, because you bring your half of them into the room with you.
I can already explain all of this. Why would more therapy help?
Many of the people I work with arrive with an accurate explanation and the same Tuesday night. The work here is experiential and somatic, which means we go toward what happens in your body while it's happening rather than only the account of it afterward. Therapy outcomes are not guaranteed.
Where do sessions happen?
Weekly therapy takes place via telehealth. I am licensed in New York and can only offer psychotherapy services to people who reside in New York State. You'll need to be physically located in New York State at the time of each session.
What does it cost?
Individual psychotherapy is $235 for a 50-minute session, usually weekly. I'm out-of-network with all insurance plans and provide a monthly superbill you can submit for possible out-of-network reimbursement, which is never guaranteed. There's no sliding scale.
What if things get bad between sessions?
If you are in danger right now, call or text 988 or dial 911. This site isn't a crisis service and email is not monitored for emergencies.
Start with a free consultation
A short conversation to see whether we would be a good fit for working together. Weekly therapy takes place via telehealth. I am licensed in New York and can only offer psychotherapy services to people who reside in New York State.