Approach
Inner Relationship Focusing
Some things in you do not want a solution; they want company. Focusing is a way of turning toward the difficult thing and staying with it, without having to argue it down.
You might recognize
Some of this may sound familiar
- You talk yourself out of a feeling and it only digs in deeper.
- Something in you needs attention and you keep handing it advice.
- Once you let a feeling in, you disappear into it, so you mostly don't.
- You want a way to be with hard things before you have words for them.
In the work
What we actually do
Finding the felt sense
Ahead of any words there is usually a vague physical something: tight, heavy, jumpy, hard to name. We give that a minute instead of hurrying to interpret it. Words that arrive from there tend to fit better than the ones you walked in with.
Keeping company, not solving
The move is small and slightly strange. You turn toward the thing and stay, without agreeing with it and without talking it down. I will often suggest saying hello to it, which sounds odd out loud and can help anyway.
Staying yourself while you do it
There is a real difference between I am anxious and something in me is anxious. That bit of distance is most of the method. We are aiming for a place where you are neither swamped by the feeling nor waving it off. Therapy outcomes are not guaranteed.
“…get underneath the thinking brain and repattern your emotional world at the source.”
FAQ
Questions people ask
Is this meditation?
No, though it borrows a similar quality of attention. Meditation often asks you to let things pass through. Focusing asks you to stay with one thing until it has said what it came to say.
What if nothing comes?
Then nothing comes, and we notice that together. Blankness is a real answer and usually a protective one. There is no version of this where you are doing it wrong.
Is there a location requirement?
Yes. Weekly therapy takes place via telehealth. I am licensed in New York and can only offer psychotherapy services to people who reside in New York State. That is a licensing boundary, not a preference.
Do I need experience with body-based work?
None. Many people begin with a vague sense that something is going on in their chest and no vocabulary for it. The vocabulary builds as we go.
How does this fit with the rest of what you do?
It sits alongside the somatic, experiential, IFS, and psychodynamic strands rather than replacing any of them. In practice they blend inside a single 50-minute hour, usually weekly.
Start with a free consultation
A short conversation to see whether we would be a good fit for working together. Weekly therapy takes place via telehealth. I am licensed in New York and can only offer psychotherapy services to people who reside in New York State.